Who am I?

Ever since I returned from Poland, I’m amazed at how like my family I am. Little things, here and there, suddenly pop into my head and I realize “Ah, that’s why I do this? That’s why I’m like this.”

The attributes of my family, my ancestors, are in my DNA and in my soul. Knowing them for the first time in seven decades has made my life richer, and given me more confidence.

For more than 70 years I thought my mother was my only living relative. Then I started researching and writing my book, The Golden Daughter. Through it, I found my tribe, my family. Now I am not - and will never be - alone.

I went to Poland knowing almost no-one, and met there more than 30 relatives, all keen to help me understand my father's side of the family. One day they organized a family reunion, which started with a visit to the family gravesite (pictured above), and ended nine hours later dancing polkas in a banqueting hall.

Through this wonderful journey of discovery, I’ve realized a few things about myself:

• I have a love of nature and gardening. I believe I got this from my paternal grandfather, Ignacy, who was a farmer in Poland.

• I’m attracted to the military. Again, this came from Ignacy, who was a bodyguard for Tzar Nicholas II and a soldier in WWI. My father, the man I really knew nothing about until I went to Poland, was a soldier during WWII.

• I love to write. I think I got this love of words from my other grandfather, Mama’s father, Sergei. His letters to my mother are beautifully written, and very expressive.

• My maternal grandmother, Aniela, gave me a sense of style. She was a tailor. She and Mama always compared fashion notes. I am a fashionista at heart.

• I’m a creative cook. I definitely got this from my mother. Mama could go to a restaurant, taste a dish and replicate it at home.

• I also got my sense of drama from her. She was the original diva in my life.

• I have a better understand of my health history. I can now tell my doctors that my father had two strokes, one of which killed him. I’ve had one stoke.

• I have a temper that when provoked leads me to a blind rage. Did I get that from my father? Mama said he would get drunk and have rages.

• I am a helper. My father would give people the shirt off his back or his last crust of bread. When he was logging in Northern Ontario he would send home to Poland money, medicines, and even a bicycle.

• I can bear a grudge. Once, I didn’t speak to my dearest and best friend for 37 years! Mama would go on binges of punishing people who did her wrong, (according to her perception), by not speaking to them for long periods of time.

I feel a sense of gratitude for all these attributes. Some I know I can’t change, like my stroke. Some I don’t want to change, like my love of nature, and writing. Some I’m working on changing, like managing anger, and not bearing grudges.

My image of myself has changed since I met my family and learned about my ancestors. I feel I’m inching closer to answering that eternal question, “Who am I.”